Loved Ones Academy

Everyone

What dissociation can actually look like

• Often it looks like very little: a pause, a flat voice, a delayed answer, staring, or someone seeming 'not quite there'.
• It can look like forgetting a conversation, arriving somewhere without a clear sense of the journey, or being unsure what day it is.
• It rarely looks like film or television. There is usually no dramatic switch, no different accent, and nothing frightening happening.
• Dissociation is a protective response, not a performance and not manipulation.

Everyone

Responding to disorientation

• Lead with calm, plain facts: your name, where you both are, the day, and that nothing bad is happening.
• Offer orientation rather than demanding it: 'It's Saturday afternoon, we're at home' beats 'Do you know what day it is?'
• Slow down your speech and reduce input — lower the volume, dim the light, give physical space.
• Ask what would help. If they don't know, offer two simple options rather than an open question.

Everyone

Respecting autonomy

• An adult who is dissociating is still an adult. Avoid taking over decisions that can wait.
• Don't speak about them in the third person while they're present.
• Don't test them, quiz them, or set traps to find out 'who you're talking to'.
• Ask before touching, always — including hugs that are normally welcome.

Partners, family, housemates

When you remember something differently

• Two people can hold different accounts without either lying. Say what you remember, once, calmly.
• Offer evidence only if they want it: 'I've got the message here if you'd like to see it. Or we can leave it.'
• Never insist someone must remember. Repetition and pressure make dissociation worse, not better.
• Some disagreements can simply be parked. Very few conversations need to be resolved today.

Partners, friends

Boundaries — theirs and yours

• Supporting someone does not mean being available at all hours. Say what you can offer and hold it.
• You are allowed your own feelings about hard moments, and your own support or therapy.
• Consistency helps more than intensity. A small, reliable presence beats an exhausting one.
• If you're frightened, angry or burnt out, that is information about you — not evidence about them.

Everyone

Not becoming an amateur diagnostician

• You cannot diagnose DID, and neither can Foglight. Only a qualified clinician can assess.
• Avoid saying 'that must have been an alter' or 'that's your trauma talking'. Describe behaviour, not causes.
• Never try to uncover memories, run 'tests', or interrogate about the past. This can create false memories and real harm.
• You can support someone's experiences without needing a label for them.

Everyone

Encouraging treatment without pushing

• Offer practical help: finding a clinician, transport, sitting in the waiting room, keeping a list of questions.
• Ultimatums rarely produce lasting engagement in therapy. Steady availability often does.
• Progress in dissociation work is slow and non-linear. Bad weeks are not failures.
• In an immediate safety emergency, contact local emergency services — that is not a betrayal of trust.

Teachers, coworkers

School and workplace basics

• Someone who 'zones out', misses instructions, or seems inconsistent may be dissociating, not disengaged.
• Written follow-ups help enormously: a short email after a verbal conversation costs you nothing.
• Predictable routines, quiet spaces and advance notice of changes reduce distress.
• Don't disclose someone's health information to colleagues or other students. Ever.

Your partner doesn't remember a conversation you had yesterday — one that mattered to you.

Try all four — the explanations matter more than picking the “right” one.

Someone you live with says they don't recognise the room they're standing in.

Try all four — the explanations matter more than picking the “right” one.

Your friend suddenly seems much younger — quieter, unsure, using simpler language.

Try all four — the explanations matter more than picking the “right” one.

Your coworker arrives an hour late, visibly shaken, and can't account for the time.

Try all four — the explanations matter more than picking the “right” one.

Mark all eight lessons as read and something faintly ridiculous appears here. 0/8 so far.